Hail To the King
"Hail To The King" (1x08) is the eighth episode of Memory=Null, in which old friends are lost, and new friends are sought. Synopsis As the Lalta Chambrans shout “Thaydor, we are here to take you home!”, Pippin sighs and begins to lower the scissor lift he is currently on. Thicc walks over to Pippin and says “What are your orders, sir?”. Pippin pulls the crown and two large wrenches out of his backpack, places the crown on his head, says “I think I’ve got this”, and walks over to the other Lalta Chambrans. He refuses to leave with them, and refuses to be called by the name ‘Theodore’. When asked what he would like to be called, he announces “I am Pippin – King of Mechs!”, and clocks the head Lalta Chambran in the head with one of the wrenches. He uses the other wrench to fling his crown at the head of one of the guards, and proceeds to wail on all of them. Thicc, not wanting to be left out, joins in the fight. Down to the final guard, Thicc yells incoherently at him in Scottish and tries to pull his shoe off in order to chuck it at him. In the moment of confusion the guard faces from experiencing Thicc, Pippin brains him with a wrench. With them all disarmed and in various states of consciousness, Thicc steals one of their swords (which, for Thicc, is more like a dagger) as Tina makes her way over to see the pile of bodies. The head Lalta Chambran explains that Pippin’s mother, who is next in line for the throne before him, is very sick, and that he needs to come home now. Pippin now finds himself caught between not wanting to go, and the fact that his people no longer have a home planet, and their culture is the only thing they have left. The mother ship is in sector 401, which is in the opposite direction from sector 307. With the encouragement of Thicc, Pippin decides that he needs to go see his mother, if only to say his goodbyes. With their farewells said, Pippin heads off with the other Lalta Chambrans. While Tina makes some calls and hires a new mechanic, Thicc picks up a tooth spat out by one of the Lalta Chambrans. Another shuttle arrives outside the hanger carrying Adria and two Baalu security officers. As they approach Thicc, Balug comes out from behind some shipping crates and runs up behind them. He grabs one of the officers, throws him into the other, grabs Adria, and snaps her neck. Thicc draws his gun as Balug drops Adria’s body to the ground and a black liquid begins to pour from his mouth and flow up over his face like a mask - and in a voice that is very much not his, says “I’ve been waiting to do that for so long.” Thicc gets punched several times, but Hannah and Tina manage to incapacitate him. Thicc tries to call Devon, but is unable to reach him and proceeds to bolt Balug to the hangar floor. The security guards come to consciousness and start making calls, while Hannah checks on Adria and finds her dead. First responders quickly arrive, followed by station security who take statements from everyone. Devon eventually shows up with a full contingent of Baalu security. Thicc discusses the situation with him, and Devon gives him a legal, non-lethal gun to give to the authorities should they ask to see it, as a record of him firing off his gun will be present on the security camera footage. While waiting for permission to leave the station, Thicc begins Spoogling his father, Edward Rochford. He finds that he was a cutting edge programmer who worked for many companies during his career. However, most of the projects he worked on are blocked behind security walls. Despite the difficulty of the task, Thicc manages to circumvent some of the security measures, and discovers that Rochford was one of the scientists tasked with dealing with the rogue AI Draco. Following its defeat, he was in charge of the team who tried to find out what went wrong and how to avoid it again, becoming one of the leading pioneers of modern AI braking techniques (limiting the intelligence of AIs). There is also a huge gap in his work history, where no record of him working for any companies is found. As he delves deeper, he continues to hit stronger and stronger security measures, until his phone finally dies. He manages to get it working again, but it seems to be running slightly slower than before. Assuming that he is now being watched, he 1) begins to continually Spoogle geese, 2) finds a soundboard with a goose honk noise, and proceeds to continually honk, and 3) finds out about a competitive goose breeding competition, and signs up for their newsletter and daily goose facts. He also downloads as much information about geese as he can to the ship computer for future reading. Station security eventually finishes up and gives them permission to leave the station, and Hannah has mostly recovered from the shock of what happened. As they start leaving, a small Lalta Chambra waddles into the hangar. Tina waves her over, where she is introduced as Sank Kirim, the groups’ new mechanic. She is amazed to find out that Pippin was in fact next in line for the Lalta Chambran throne. As they are preparing to leave, Artis arrives at the hangar. Thicc offers his condolences, and Artis says that she would like to go with them to find the weaver (Herbert), and minimize the heresy that will occur. Thicc accepts her help, and they all board The Triton and depart Gunnison 4, heading out to the far end of the sector. Thicc proceeds to tour the ship, overreacting to everything by shouting “THIS IS AMAZING!”. Once they reach the edge of the sector, Thicc heads up to the bridge to watch them engage the spike drive. With the course plotted and the drive engaged, Captain Sam leaves to go do other things. As Thicc stands there, watching stars and asteroids fly by, he begins to hear a slow dripping noise, and suddenly finds himself standing in a shallow pool of water, surrounded by blackness. A little kid, about 4 years old, stands about 10 feet from him. He looks like a normal child, except for his eyes, which are black and look like shattered glass. He begins to speak in a voice that sounds young, though his mannerisms make him sound much older than he appears. It is the Weaver - Herbert. He is looking forward to his crew arriving, and has already chosen who will take which station - Thicc will be the navigator, Tina will be the pilot, and Hannah will be the gunner. He is slightly confused about why Thicc keeps calling him Herbert, as he already has a name - Tina has a tattoo of it. Thicc promises that he’s going to get him drunk, though he is not entirely sure how. Before he goes, Herbert reaches into his chest and pulls out a shining strand of blue light, and hands it to Thicc. He takes it, and feels a surge of energy as his hand closes around it. Thicc blinks, and finds himself standing back on the bridge of The Triton, with Hannah staring at him as the blue strand he is holding slowly fades away. He tells her that Herbert says hi, then abruptly heads to the mess hall, were he finds Sank baking blueberry muffins. He asks her how much she was told about their mission before she signed on, to which she replies that she wasn’t told much at all. Thicc begins to tell her what is going on, but as he is in mid speech, Tina walks in with her employment contract and NDA, which she quickly reads over and signs. On her way out, Tina grabs the bottle of alcohol Thicc had just retrieved, pours a glass, hands Thicc the glass, and walks out with the bottle. Thicc asks Sank whether she believes in the Weavers. She says that while her cousin is a priest for the weavers, she doesn’t personally subscribe to their beliefs. Thicc then reveals that they are going to meet one of the Weavers. Surprisingly unfazed by this new revelation, she asks Thicc to retrieve a muffin tin for her from one of the top shelves. She, in turn, reveals that while Tina was known at the academy as “The Valkyrie”, Hannah also had a name - “Hel”. While Sank says that it was in reference to the Norse goddess of death, Thicc believes that it was simply a spelling mistake. As Thicc goes to find Hannah, Tina intercepts him and drags him into her room. She reminds him that since they have no idea who might be a Vox, they need to watch everyone. They also discuss recent events and Thicc’s interaction with the Weaver. Thicc asks her if she has the names of any Weavers tattooed on her. She does - Adus, the first Weaver to take up arms. She says that Artis would know a lot more of the story than she does, then tells Thicc to get out of her room. As she shoves him out the door, they find Artis standing right outside, apparently preparing to knock. Tina quickly squashes any ideas Artis might have about them two, grabs her, drags her inside, and closes the door. Thicc encounters Hannah in the hallway, and reminded of the muffins by the smell wafting through the corridors, grabs Hannah by the arm and bursts into the mess hall. Sank comments on his perfect timing, as she is just taking the muffins out of the oven. The three of them sit down together and enjoy some blueberry muffins. As Hannah and Sank begin having technical discussions about the mechs, Thicc starts getting bored and heads up to the bridge. There he introduces himself to the equally bored Captain Sam, and learns the names of the rest of the crew: the navigator, Tegger, and the three mechanics - Jub-Jub, Anny, and Mebo. Right as Thicc asks if he can use the intercom to announce the presence of muffins on the ship, Mebo comes in, mouth stuffed with food, and says “you guys, there’s muffins downstairs!”. They convince the captain to announce the muffins, after which Jub-Jub comes to bridge and announces that there are muffins, while holding two herself, and hands one to Tegger. Thicc takes this opportunity to introduce himself to Jub-Jub as well. Thicc heads down to the bio-room (a room full of plants engineered to produce large amounts of oxygen) and briefly encounters Anni as she heads to get muffins. After spending some time there, Hannah comes in and suggests they go activate Giles, since they’re using the spike drive right now. As they head down to the mechs, Thicc suggests sneaking Giles into the ship systems, so that he could take over the ship in case of emergency, such as if the entire crew ended up being Vox. Hannah says it would technically be possible, but would be difficult without being caught. Hannah turns on Giles, and Thicc asks if he can find out who is spying on him through his phone. Giles confirms that someone is monitoring his searches, but he cannot tell who is tracking him. Giles then purges the virus from Thicc’s phone, and Thicc and Hannah spend the next few hours teaching Giles to play cards. They continue discussing Giles and the ship, and decide that, while it’s probably not a good idea to just leave Giles in the ship systems, Hannah could probably program something that would let them upload Giles to the ship in an emergency - it would take a day or so, and she didn’t have any plans other than catching up on the television adaptation of The Siren’s Forbidden Love. As Hannah heads off to begin programming, Thicc heads off to find Artis. He finds her in the bio-room reading The Siren’s Forbidden Love. He tells her that the Weaver’s name is Adus, and she says that, while it is not known for certain, it is rumored that the Weavers can reincarnate. She again tells the story of the first Weaver to take up arms, and is surprised to hear that Adus has already chosen who will man each station. She is further surprised to hear that Thicc has seen the weave, and that Adus has given him a thread of it, though Thicc cannot produce it when she asks to see it. Thicc asks, and Artis offers, to teach him how to see the weave on command. As a last question, Thicc asks how to get a Weaver drunk, since he promised Adus. Though she struggles between genuine curiosity and the heresy of the suggestion, she says that, theoretically, there are nebulas composed primarily of alcohol, and that they could potentially fly Adus into one. Artis leads Thicc to the cargo bay and up to the cockpit of his mech. She begins leading him through some meditation techniques. Due to him feeling so relaxed in his mech, he is able to begin seeing the weave fairly quickly. At one point, he notices that the mech is slightly moving in tandem with his breathing even though he is not linked up to it, though it stops as soon as he notices it. Later, Captain Sam announces over the intercom that Hannah is looking for Thicc, so the two end their training session, and Thicc heads to the mess hall. In the mess hall, Sank is pouring Hannah a glass of alcohol. Hannah tells Thicc that she managed to finish the program for Giles, and that they just need to plug Giles in. Second, she says that she found a really old book that she had picked up at a thrift store a long time ago, and that, using it, she might be able to teach Thicc new things really fast. Thicc agrees that it is something they should try. They also discuss Thicc and the weave, and Thicc asks Hannah about her nickname “Hel”. She says that while she was at the academy, some of the higher ups there believed that all psychics should be trained exclusively for combat, and would have gladiator fights to test how students performed under pressure. As a result of the event where Tina gained her nickname “The Valkyrie”, the same instructor sent eight final year students at Hannah - she caused three of them brain damage. Tina soon enters, and, upon hearing what they are talking about, reveals that she later teleported that instructor inside a star. The three continue to talk for the rest of the evening, and later find their way to their beds. Thicc props a chair against the door to his room as a Vox alarm - even though it is a sliding door - and goes to sleep. Thicc awakens the next morning. As he heads towards the bathroom, he runs into Artis coming out of Tina’s room. Throughout the day, Thicc spends more time meditating, and reaches the point where, every time he tries, he can at least begin to see the threads. Hannah spends the day programming, and Sank makes calzones for lunch and a casserole for dinner. On day three, Thicc once again encounters Artis coming out of Tina’s room. His meditation training progresses more slowly, as Artis begins to do things to intentionally distract him in order to teach him how to deal with outside stress. He brings tea to Hannah as she is still deep in programming, and talks to Tegger about what navigation entails. He finds out that there are two different kinds of navigation. Tegger’s navigation is very rational, involving mathematics and complex calculations. On the other hand, the navigation Thicc will be doing is more emotional - finding the single thread in the weave that you want, holding onto it, and following it. Sank cooks stir fry for dinner. That night, as Thicc is laying in bed, someone stops outside his door for a minute, and then leaves. On day four, Thicc has difficulty with his meditation due to the unsettling visitor the night before, but Artis eventually helps him through it, and he is able to see the weave once again. As they approach the end of their first spike jump, Thicc tries to make it to the bridge in time to watch, but doesn’t make it in time and face plants into the floor as they drop out of spike space. The ship refuels and resupplies, and begins its second spike jump. Hannah catches Thicc and tells him that the programming to teach him things is complete. They head to his room and catch Tina on the way. Thicc tells her that he’s going to learn German, but Tina doesn’t believe him and walks off. In his room, Hannah puts a VR headset on him. The screen begins flashing, and Thicc wakes up about three hours later with no one in the room. He heads down to the mech bay and finds Tegger taking inventory. He says that he saw Hannah heading towards the mess hall, and Thicc makes his way there. Hannah is talking to Tina in German about how cute somebody’s butt is, which, to Hannah’s mortification, Thicc can now understand. The three of them discuss other topics they could possibly teach Thicc, and it is suggested that they let Thicc read through Hank’s journals, since he took detailed notes. Hannah also suggests contacting The Monarch’s Fortune, since they think they might have their own AI, and therefore have information on teaching AIs. Tina reluctantly agrees to give Thicc Hank’s journals, and after he has finished with them, Little Bear’s journals, providing he does not damage them in the slightest and be punished with never ending pain as a result. While Tina goes off to get the journals, Thicc tells Hannah that sector 307 is also the home of The Monarch’s Fortune, and she reveals that they think they might have access to nano-tech. They think that, since the religion they wiped out was centered around faith healing, they had either sold nano-tech to the religion, and wiped them out when they failed to pay, or that they were unable to reproduce the tech, and were collecting more of it. Their conversation is interrupted by a full turkey dinner that Sank has cooked, which, for the first time, has brought everybody on the ship together at once. As he heads to bed, Tina stops by Thicc’s room with Hank’s journals. She reiterates her promise that, if he damages them in any way, she will put every credit she has into keeping Thicc running for as long as possible with every single pain receptor he has turned on and maxed out. Then, she heads to a room that is not hers. Thicc begins reading through the journals, which cover almost every aspect of mech combat and strategy, as well as personal and family events. On the fifth day, Artis steps up her distractions of Thicc, and while he initially succeeds, he still finds it difficult to grab onto the threads of the weave. As they finish, Sinc arrives bearing plates of enchiladas as she prepares to start working on the mechs. As they eat, Thicc and Artis discuss her uneasiness about meeting a god, and the fact that The Monarch’s Fortune might be there as well, which Thicc has continually forgotten to tell people. Realizing this, Thicc goes to find Tina in her room, and informs her that the pirates may be in sector 307. Tina, unlike everyone else, is not surprised at this news, as the pirates also offered a job to her as well as Thicc. Tina also reveals that she had gotten the captain very drunk, and knows a good deal about their ship. She hopes that they will still be in the process of picking up their crew, and won’t be in the sector when they get there. Thicc heads back to his room, does a quick inventory of his gear, and then goes to bed. About midnight, the intercom comes on, and Captain Sam announces that they are about to drop out of spike space. Once again, Thicc attempts to make it to the bridge to see them drop out. He makes it to the top of the stairs just in time to see it before his face meets the floor again. Tina and Hannah make their way up to the bridge. Before them lies a massive, multicolored nebula. The light of nearby stars reflect off it, giving it a beautiful sunset colored, metallic sheen. Everyone on the bridge stares in awe at it for about an hour as they approach. Thicc begins to concentrate in an attempt to find the thread that will lead to the Weaver. As he opens his eyes, he feels like his coat and his clothes are floating. He looks up and instinctively reaches out in front of him, and in his hand a thread appears that reaches straight into the nebula. Beside him, Hannah’s hair begins to gently float. She looks at the thread, steps forward, takes a deep breath, and bores a tunnel through the gasses and vapors of the nebula, revealing a giant, oblong hunk of metal and bone and flesh deep within. Stat Guesses Quotations * Hannah: (stares at Thicc as the blue energy strand he is holding fades away) Thicc: Uh. Herbert says hi. He’s looking forward to meeting everybody. * Thicc: You must be Herbert. The Weaver: (cocks head) Herbert? Thicc: Yeah. You’ve got to have a name. The Weaver: I do. Thicc: All my friends have names. The Weaver: Yes. Mine’s actually tattooed on your friend. Thicc: Wait, what? Alright, but I’m still gonna call you Herbert. * Thicc: As I’m sure you understand the importance of announcing muffins, would you mind if I used the intercom to announce muffins? Mebo: (enters bridge and mumbles) Hey guys, there’s muffins downstairs! Thicc: Right! Mebo: Oh! You got one. They’re good, right? Thicc: Right!? See, Captain? You need to let me announce muffins! Mebo: Sam. Announce muffins. Sam: (annoyed) I’ve been informed to tell everybody, there are muffins…. that’s it. There’s muffins. Mebo: (mumbles) They’re blueberry! Sam: (annoyed) Yeah. They’re blueberry. * Thicc: It’s lovely to meet you. (shakes Jub Jub’s hand) Jub Jub: Jub Jub. Thicc: Thicc. Jub Jub: No you’re not. Thicc: No. Ah, McRunfast. It’s my name. Jub Jub: You’re parents were big enough assholes to name you Thicc McRunfast? Thicc: Welcome to my life. I was in the Baalu Bowl. Jub Jub: Oh! That was you! You’re the new guy. Thicc: I’m the new guy! Tina: *screams from down the hall* Stop encouraging him! * Thicc: You still have the scan of the thing of the thing? Hannah: Yes, I do. Thicc: So we can work out what... plugs into where - there was no way I could phrase that well. I’m sorry. Hannah: (goes bright red) That’s not how I was thinking of doing it... but... I mean... maybe? Thicc: I’ve been learning how to do some new fun tricks with our siren friend, so hopefully that will be something that helps us out when we go meet Herbert. Everyone’s having a productive day! * Hannah: Yeah. Tina made sure that he was very dead. Tina: (Walks in and pours some alcohol) Hmm. Whatcha guys talking about? Thicc: Old stories. Old stories. Hannah: (quietly) We’re talking about my professor that, umm… Tina: Oh. You talking about the one I teleported into a sun? Yeah, that was a good time. Thicc: That’s so cool! Tina: Yeah. He’s very dead. Thicc: Like super dead! Tina: Like, oh my god. He… I honestly, thinking about it now, I probably should have chosen a slower, more painful way for him to die. Cause that was like, instant. But, you know. Whatever. It is what it is. Thicc: Yeah. Sometimes, you’ve got to make a statement. * Thicc: Tina! Tina, you want to see something cool? Tina: (sighs) What do you want Thicc? Thicc: I’m about to learn German. Tina: Huh. Alright. Cool. (walks off) Thicc: (yells) Okay. But I’m taking my top off, and Hannah and me are going back to my room! Tina: (yells) You know I would castrate you. Thicc: (yells) That’s fair. * Tina: I would teach you how to pilot a mech better, but I don’t know how you would do that without just experience. Cause a lot of that’s just instinct stuff. Thicc: What about simulated fights? Would that work? Also, ow. I am hurt and offended. I did very well, thank you. Tina: You landed two hits. Thicc: I only needed two hits… because everyone else was destroyed before I got the chance. But that’s not the point! We still won! I’m the new guy! Tina: I gave you a massive opening, and dropped you from three hundred feet - and you missed. Thicc: I… I opened it up. I opened that pit up. Tina: Uh huh… * Hannah: If we could access his brain directly, we could maybe do that. But that would require cutting his head open. Thicc: I still feel pain! Just as an fyi! I fell on my ass yesterday - it hurt. Tina: I’m very worried that you feel pain. And at this point, it is still what I use as my main motivator for you. Thicc: Can’t we work out a system based on mutual trust and respect? * Artis: Sometime today or tomorrow, if what we think is true, we’re going to validate the entirety of my religion. Thicc: Yup. Artis: And I don’t know how to feel about that. Thicc: Well, no one ever faced one of their own personal deities on an empty stomach. That is a house rule of mine... which I just now made up. I mean, I’m sure you’ve worked this out already, but it's why I keep calling the Weaver ‘Herbert’. Because, it makes it bearable. What do you say to a god when a god says ‘hello’? Hell if I know. But, what do I say to Herbert? To Herbert, I say, “Do you fancy a drink?” Artis: (chuckles) I do kinda want to try and see if we can get it drunk, but it’s also a terrible idea. Thicc: That has literally not stopped me at all. Category:Memory=Null Category:Memory=Null Episodes